Rambles

Sometimes I wonder why we even have a blog, it's never used and hasn't been updated in forever,  I always wonder what i might use it for, Politics are only interesting every once in a blue moon, and somethings are foreseen so far in advanced it's kinda stupid to even mention it,   There is so much going on in the world what can one individual say that means anything at all in the void of the internet  is sort of like sending a message in a bottle to no one,  some unknown identy and the chances of the reply ever getting to the person who sent the first message even less, there is myspace which is cool every now and then but really it's only every now and then.  The real world seems to sometimes seperate it's boundries every now and then and let a glimpse in to who we really are , and why some doors should remain shut or unopened, the differnce between who we were and who we are, can it really be so simple.

 I don't know, Perhaps self journey is the only real journey that matters, and the people who touch your life for a few brief moments are all that really matters,  you have the friends you need when you need them or when they need you and then after that a new chapter opens, but weather it's through a door window or a crack might be entirly up to you, or them depending on the situation.   Speaking of new chapters both my children stayed away from home last night , they went camping the oldest has been away before a few times now ( i don't allow it often) but my youngest it was her first night away from me , and the first night I have been without them, I realized just how lonely I really am in those few hours before exhaustion took me, the good news is i got much needed uninterupted sleep the bad news is that I wonder what life will be like once they grow up,  I wonder if I shall always be there for everyone and yet all alone, sometimes walking alone is nice but every now and then it be nice to have a friend that shares more then just a brief walk in my world.  Someone who knows me better then I know me someone that will be able to know when I need a shoulder and when I need just a strong arm and a kind word, Those moments are far to few, I am always the shoulder, the strong arm the whispers in the wind, and when it's over I am gone a forgotten page in some disastours book where I was but a sub-chapter on a long forgotten page.

  My immortality lives in my children, my dreams are my own however and all though they are temporily on hold they are not forgotten, I hear there voices, I see the stars  and yet for a few more moments they must stay slightly out of reach, till i'm ready, I know i'm strong enough but still there are choices always and 4ever choices, choices the words seem somehow unfimilar and yet sound like an old friend calling,  every breath we take is a second we spend dying, morbid perhaps, but perhaps the wisdom in knowing that every breath taken is a walk with death till death becomes an old friend and takes you,  (old being a relative term)  If more people realized that perhaps they spend more time thinking of how to live now then how to live later, Knowing that perhaps there may be no more tommorrows, no more last chances that today might be the last one they have to make it all work, Then maybe people would understand me and my now or never state of mind,   It' s not neccassary bravery or courage, perhaps in all my stands in all my adventures in all my choices, perhaps i'm afraid of what if  tommorow doesn't come, what if tommorow isn't, perhaps it's fear of not having a tommorow that pushes me into the unknown depths and deep soul seraching i seem to do. Perhaps I'm just crazy, or perhaps I'm sane and the entire world is crazy?  genius mad women friend foe lover bitch these are all my names choice wisely which face you'd like to see , as the entire world is after all a stage

 Adue adue adue