There are some things in life that are Certian

There are some things in life that you just know with certinity without any real proof or reason it just is. For Example every sunset is the most beautiful you've seen yet. That people will always look to the stars and wonder, the wondering might be differnt but everyone wonders when they look at the night time sky, You know that no matter how bad your day is and no matter what happens the sun will continue to rise weather you want it to or not.

Then there are the more common place things such as the only food that should ever be reheated with expects to still taste good if not better are Chinnese food and Cold Pizza.

Then of course there are a million other certinites in life,

But there is a certinity of life that I feel that alot of people have stopped looking for that experts and genius's haven't found and that makes them more foolish then the guy in school with the lowest IQ.

It is love it is the need for humans to find there one true soulmate, i've heard it time and time again that there is no such thing that there are no fireworks that last forever and hell sometimes i Get Cynical enough to doubt it myself and probably more cynical yet because i know the moment Aedus calls me the moment I let go, i'll forgive him even if he doesn't know it because there is some other force that tells me I have to.

I don't bare my soul to often perhaps it's because it's a more fragil thing then i care to admit where nothing about me has ever been fragil. But i feel that some people or at least one person who reads this has grown to old and bitter and needs to realize there is more to life then a pretty face and a bed mate no matter how much he argues with me.

From the moment I met Aedus there has always been something some force beyond both of us that makes it unforgetable. There was a time my friend Sarah ran into Him and his best friend at the carnival and i was dressed in probably one of the stupidest outfits I could of picked from my entire Dresser sad thing is I actually liked the outfit because of the comfort and the fact that it said The Flowers In French. well anyways my Friend Sarah ditches me with these two total strangers so she and her boyfriend could be alone. The rest of that night me and Aedus and sometimes Eric would ride the rides together till we ran out of tickets and then we carried Sarah's stupid goldfish around. But whenever i looked directly at this red headed stranger there was an electricity around each of those moments that can't be put into words it was almost as if there was nothing else around. Of course we would both part not thinking much more of eachother except that we had a good time.

Then months later through other disastarus and chaotic realitionships that Teenagers go through which for a female the world would end. I finally decide to clear my life of the dating sceene and instead rid the world of all injustice by making something right for someone else. I was the pretend Girlfriend for a friend of mine who was in a true Romeo and Juliet type relationship, and what Girl wouldn't help a friend in need like that?! right? well there i was with the cowboy who was in love with a princess and whose parents hated eachother with a passion. They had been forbiddent to date and took the role of the Girlfriend as far as anyone Knew including the rest of our friends.So there I am just had dinner with his parents and them cooing over how cute our real names were together. I think I could of been sick. And up pulls My friend Sarah (weather she saved me or damned me that night i don't know) but out of the car comes the boy from the carnival somehow wrapped up in the seat belt tumbling stuck to the car, to this day he swares he did it on purpose but I doubt that, While the ohthers laughed I ran over to help. I'd of done anything to touch him at that moment anyways. As I helped untangle him from the seat belt every brush of contact felt jolting. But it was soon over and he was soon free to do what teenage boys do and i think they went to test there manhood on the utterly boring feet of basketball, then came the time for cowboy to show off his gun collection as I stood in the hall way bored to tears at the collection i had seen for the 11th million time I kept glanicng at the red head that made a world that seemed so safe terrifying but in a more exciting less scary way. And then i noticed he looked back and it again for a moment all was lost in seconds. I wish i could tell you what else went on that night but the cloud in my head has long washed any other memory i had away if I ever noticed anything else that night.... I probably didn't. We wispered and gave a kiss on eachothers cheek i belive below a tree shadow and then parted without much thought to the future again I mean really a few nights past he didn't call me then again my friend didn't give him my number like she promised and soon another night had gone and a chance missed and life keeps turning.

There was a dance that we were both suppose to attend, I think every girl has a Cinderella moment, some is on there wedding day some is the prom and for others it's that one time where everything comes together with so much ease to make her feel so great for a few moments that it's almost like it's not her, That night was mine, I had managed to borrow my moms white dress which looked great on me and find a pair of Silver heels (don't ask ) and even my date who was the cowboy friend who was meeting his princess couldn't help telling me at least three times how great i looked that night, IT was extermly nice and i even took compliments without saying something sarcastic in return. The night was great and Aedus was suppose to be at the Dance. However i'd like to say that night ended happily. My prince was not there instead I got to dance with several of his nice looking guy friends under a promise to tell him that I was looking for him (which some even kept) and A great looking older gentlemen who was the Cornel at the ROTC ball. He was nice and danced several slow dances with me,all with a fatherly type respect, It was one of my favorite memories that i'll cherish always and although he forgot my name (probably because it's hard to remember) he did relay to Aedus that I was there and looking and he also told me that he had gone out of the country. So although my prince didn't show up I had the time of my life regardless. And he had the story of a mysterious girl who shown up wanting to dance with him haunting him in the mean time.

So still no happy ending and again several months had passed and I hook up with his best friend whom all though we got along amazzingly, It wasn't love like we both wanted it to be. Don't get me wrong had cards played differntly, we probably of dated awhile maybe even tricked ourselves into getting married but it of never been real love just what people settle for. As he said at my wedding rehearsal It could of been him standing there but he was happy for us because it was something that only Fate could of made happen.

So there I am dating his bestfriend and there is the person who takes my breathaway hanging out like nothing is wierd. My world spun out of control that day. For every look and touch between the two of us was amazing yet there i was with his best friend the guy i'm suppose to be with, whom all thou to this day I love and I do love him and hope the best for him every day, it is a love of that of a sister and not of a girlfriend. It was a rocking day because there me and aedus were arguing over a bike and we locked eyes and in that moment we both knew what the other was thinking and the world had completly stopped. I knew from that moment on that there was no one else on the planet who could make me whole , that there was no completion and no sun or moon without him. And several days later we would start dating at a little past midnight on March 24, 1996 It was the moments described above that still holds ever disastirus devestating thing at bay. For no matter how bad it gets no matter how many times i feel that I wish the sun wouldn't come up and that even that the whole thing would end. When we see eachother when we touch the spark that feeling is still there. There is still an electricity that is between us no matter how mad upset or hurt we are. There is a certinity upon all else that we know that something greater then us is holding us together. This is not a feeling any person who has not had that feeling can explain. and maybe it doesn't always happen but it can happen, and that i feel that sure two people can love eachother and make a marriage work and sense and science can explain it but it's not always that way, and perhaps in this cynical world where what is right and wrong and science explains everything that is why marriages don't work. Not that science and good advice can't help but sometimes in some realitonship there realy is more to it then science and common sense.

There is a spark that when you hear the other person at the end of the phone because they called for no reason your insainly happy to hear from them and your mind goes into a cloud. When you see them after a long day of work you still run to them just to hold them in your arms there are countless moments where although you been together for ever it still feels like the first time you met. So maybe in this world of science Love is still something that only the great poets and those that get a true glimpse of it truly understand and the understanding is that spark that knowing can't be explained in any logical form because it truly isn't logical.

Now not to say that we never need help to realize this and yes Dr. Phil I think gets this although it be completly unpracticle for him to say this. His books do help because as people grow they change and change is inevitable and although the spark keeps us together good advice keeps us from wanting to kill eachother, If the entire world could realize that Good things are worth waiting for and when you got something good you hang on to it somtimes by a tearing shred I think that many other problems would fade into black. Just a thought a moment a time frame what goes through my head in passing days. If you read this site and don't know us and don't get anything I'm saying. take it as a glimpse of what is inside of a head of a typical average female that jabbers inside without ever getting out.......

May the wind be forever to your back and the sunlight shinning gently upon you........

The cynical cat on a not so cynical day........